how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
His nipple licking is glorious
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