Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
