I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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