we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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