My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
