Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
