We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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