Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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