Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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