I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
