I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
