history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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