Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
My vagina is officially offended.
I believe in your delicious
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
