I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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