thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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