We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
