3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
