i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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