No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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