i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
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