She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
