please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just want nice things and good sex
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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