He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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