I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
