and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Rumble strips road head = magical
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
