apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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