What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just gift wrapped bread.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
