My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
