does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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