I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
