It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I need a beard to bite.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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