I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
