I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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