I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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