Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
