I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
