My room smells like vodka and shame
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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