I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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