i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
