Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
