can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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