I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
