the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
