Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
zippers are such a cool invention
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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