K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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