Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
