we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm really busy with my period
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