sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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