they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
