I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
