Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
