....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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